Choosing the sweet side of life

I wanted a picture of me kissing Hannah but the kids are asleep. I am so ready for a camera with a timer. Or a personal papparazzi to take pictures of me WITH the kids. :)

Less than a year ago I was giving the kids a bath and Hannah was being a little onery. While my hands were full getting Jacob out of the tub she began dumping water onto the floor. After sternly (I am so very sure it was stern, not yelling) telling her to stop twice she continued to dump the water. I set Jacob down and gave her a smack on her little rear. ( I had spanked her before once or twice and it never worked very well, she would laugh, which is really surprising given how very sensitive she is)(Seriously, I remember my first and only spankin', it wasn't very painful but I cried and decided right then and there that I was going to be good for the rest of my life). Well, she immediately drew her hand back and slapped me in the face. It really hurt and I was really mad so I grabbed her out of the tub and put her in her room to give myself a chance to breathe. Now I am not necessarily a no-spanking advocate, but I had planned on never spanking my kids. After I calmed down a little I felt like I was a in a bit of a pickle. I wasn't quite sure how to explain to her that I can hit her but it is SO wrong for her to hit me back. (because I am bigger than you? because I am teaching you right from wrong? )

I think it was this experience that made me work on finding ways for myself and my kids to work together to get to the result I want. Now don't get me wrong. I think there should be different expectations for different ages. I think toddlerhood is one of those times when I need to be more creative in getting their cooperation.

I have found that Jacob has days where he just simply doesn't want to clean up. No amount of moving him to the toys, my directing him to grab a certain toy, or time outs are going to get him to clean up. When I finally decide that I want him to clean up more than I want to win this power struggle (which sometimes takes a minute of me taking a deep breathe and convincing myself that that is really what I want, because it is really really irritating to not be able to control someone who is just over 2 feet tall) then I can initiate a game where one of his stuffed animals or trains is helping clean up. He thinks this is a great idea. He gladly helps. It takes more effort (especially mental) but the toys are cleaned up, he is smiling, and about that time I am smiling too.

Recently Hannah had become more rude and when I would reprimand her for being rude she would get more angry and gently smack at me. Stern talking and time outs just made us both irritated with each other. I decided that I needed to find an approach that was effective. When she was acting ugly towards me I began to gently take her in my arms and say "I think you need some sugar to make you sweeter" and then shower her with kisses until she finally smiled. (For those of you not in the south, sugar can be another word for kiss). This has been incredibly effective! She loves it. Now she often catches herself after a rude moment, looks at me and says "Do I need sugar?" I grab her and kiss her and she playfully pokes me so that I have to keep kissing her until she is "sweet" again.

So I have found that when there is a certain area that is causing tension between us I can usually get the kids to do what I want by making it fun and appealing to them and by giving up the idea that they should do what I tell them to because I told them to. ( Now, the rules will definitely change as they get older. By the time they are eight I will having them jumping when I say jump... just kidding... about the jumping). I get what I want, they are happy, I feel happy (usually after feeling angry first, I am still working on that). Unfortunately the other thing I am learning about toddlers is that something that works like a charm one week is doing absolutely nothing for them two weeks later. Gotta love them. Any other moms out there with cool ideas that work with their little ones feel free to post!